I am filled with anger once again. It is anger for myself more than anything I suppose that I can’t seem to get it right. Seriously becoming open to the idea that I have some sort of horrible karmic energy surrounding me. But I am going to shake it off. I have no idea how or what that entails but I know if I am doing everything right to my best ability, it’s gonna work out. That’s all you can ever do.
I’m always talking about the desire to get back to the garden as I call it–just to get back to being ME instead of this person that has been so influenced by all these outside forces and I swear, it’s been so long that I don’t remember how I use to do it. I use to be aloof and headstrong and INDEPENDENT. I just can’t wrap my mind how night and day different I am now compared to the ghost of what I was.
So today, gonna get off work and go run. Gonna run till my chest expands and burns so bad for need of more air and then I am gonna run some more. I want to be winded. I want to relax. And then I am gonna go buy War and Peace and I am going to read that humongous book and withdraw into my head till I reemerge with the ability to deal with the majority.