All Things Repeated

I am filled with anger once again. It is anger for myself more than anything I suppose that I can’t seem to get it right.  Seriously becoming open to the idea that I have some sort of horrible karmic energy surrounding me. But I am going to shake it off. I have no idea how or what that entails but I know if I am doing everything right to my best ability, it’s gonna work out. That’s all you can ever do.

I’m always talking about the desire to get back to the garden as I call it–just to get back to being ME instead of this person that has been so influenced by all these outside forces and I swear, it’s been so long that I don’t remember how I use to do it. I use to be aloof and headstrong and INDEPENDENT. I just can’t wrap my mind how night and day different I am now compared to the ghost of what I was.

So today, gonna get off work and go run. Gonna run till my chest expands and burns so bad for need of more air and then I am gonna run some more. I want to be winded. I want to relax. And then I am gonna go buy War and Peace and I am going to read that humongous book and withdraw into my head till I reemerge with the ability to deal with the majority.

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About lilmommacass

I worry about the environment. I cloud gaze often. I dream of the sea. Doodler. Waitress. Nomad of sorts. River swimmer. I have a small westie named Lulu that I sleep with like a stuffed animal. And maybe one day they will say, "and who was she really anyway?"
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